Helping your child recover from an addictive disease
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
By: Dr. Drew Edwards

How parents can take an active role in their teen's recovery from addictive disease.

During illness, good parents instinctively attend to their children’s needs and provide an ample supply of love and comfort. As the child recovers, family life quickly returns to normal.  Unfortunately, it’s not the same when a teen becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Drug and alcohol dependence are chronic, debilitating disorders where recovery is possible, but a cure is not. Some addicted teens require prolonged treatment or multiple stints in treatment to achieve sustained abstinence and return to a productive and fulfilled life. But unlike recovery from strep throat, addicted teens must remain actively engaged in their recovery—perhaps for the rest of their lives. If they do not, relapse is certain.  

Recovery is often a struggle for both the teenager and his parents.

Social challenges
One of the indications of addiction is the extent to which one’s life becomes organized around using drugs or alcohol. For addicted teens, there is almost always a well-defined sub-culture of friends, associates, parties and rituals that becomes the center of their social life. Healthy activities that used to capture their imagination such as sports and academics soon become secondary to the “party” culture.”

Helping teens find a new, drug-free social life is no small thing. It’s not as simple as plopping them back into healthy activities. They will need real friends, excitement and purpose for their life. Unfortunately, many lack the social skills and emotional maturity to seek and sustain new friends. Parents must step in and lead.

Healthy recovery groups for teens and young adults are hard to find. As a result, they will have times of loneliness, sadness and boredom as they transition into their new life of recovery. 

Here are some tips to help you help your teen face social challenges:

• If your child went through a treatment program, ask about after-care services and recovery groups in your community. Many treatment centers will assist in finding a 12-step sponsor or 12-step support group.
• Check with your local Alcoholics Anonymous (http://aa.org) or Narcotics Anonymous (http://na.org) about local meetings. Local churches may also have faith-based recovery groups such as Celebrate Recovery (www.celebraterecovery.com/).
• Try to keep him active and engaged by planning fun family activities or weekend trips, or just hanging out with him.
• Find a church or faith community with a vibrant program for teens.
• Acknowledge that recovery is difficult and sometimes “boring.” Ask how you can help today.
• Watch for healthy, drug- and alcohol-free teens or young adults and social events.
• No matter how bored she becomes do not lower the bar by letting her hang out with her old drug-using friends or go to parties where alcohol is available. Stand strong because the risk of giving in is too great.

Emotional challenges
Substance abuse hinders emotional development in teens. This is due to the psychoactive effects of drugs on the emotional center (limbic system) in the brain. All drugs of abuse change how this part of the brain functions. Teens learn that using drugs and alcohol will quickly change their mood. When a teen is bored, smoking marijuana makes the time pass. When they feel depressed, alcohol or cocaine works wonders—for a while.

We become emotionally mature by experiencing all of our feelings and learning how to cope with them. It may take several years of sobriety for some teens to catch up emotionally. Helping your teen talk about his feelings and express them appropriately is not easy. It will require patience and persistence and, most of all, a willingness to listen. 

Here are some tips for the emotional challenges:

• Start a conversation by asking open-ended questions. 
• Open-ended questions cannot be answered “yes” or “no”
• Open-ended questions allow your child to give spontaneous and honest answers—she should tell her story in her own words
• Open-ended questions usually begin with:
  • “Tell me about…”
  • “Describe…”
  • “To what extent…”
  • “What was that like?”
  • “Help me understand…”
  • Affirm his worth, courage and challenges. Affirming statements show your understanding and appreciation. For example:
    • “I know how hard this is for you.”
    • “You showed a lot of courage.”
    • “You overcame a major obstacle last week.”
    • “I am so glad you are home.”
    • “You are doing great this week.”
    • “No one does this perfectly.”
    • “I am proud of you.”
    • “I love you.”
    • Remember that recovery from addiction is a long walk that is best taken in the company of loving involved families.