Payh Blog
Yoido full gospel church the World's Largest Megachurch on Yeouido island Seoul South Korea
Oct 29, 2012

Peer Association

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How important are your children’s friends?  How much influence do you think they have in their lives?  As our children grow into teenagers and young adults, the friends that they select to spend their time, their life, with are the ones that will inevitably shape who your child becomes in these growing years.     We hear it every day from families that call the PAYH looking for help for their child, “My son is a good kid.  He just got involved with the wrong group of friends.”  It is a sad story and one with dire consequences.
What can you do to help guide your child into creating friendships that will benefit him rather than harm him?

  1. Know your child.  Know his likes and dislikes.  Know what motivates him.  Know what discourages him.
  2. Actively develop a relationship with your child.  If you want to have any say in who your child’s friends are, you must first invest in your relationship with your child.  Create an open and safe place for them to be able to come to you when they need to.
  3. Encourage your child to make wise decisions when making friends.  Be his eyes and ears.
  4. Know your child’s friends.  Get to know them and allow your home to be the place that they want to hang out.

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Earth at night was holding in human hands. Earth day. Energy saving concept, Elements of this image furnished by NASA
Oct 25, 2012

Heart Reader

Strength For The Day

Do you know the Heart Reader?

Having just walked in the door of our home from three weeks away we received a phone call to meet an ambulance at the hospital carrying my 95 year old father. He was experiencing severe chest pain and tightness, symptomatic of a heart attack. Subsequent blood tests were negative for a heart attack, but the nuclear dye tests of the arteries in the heart indicated an abnormality. The next step calls for a heart catheterization, however being 95, the cardiologists say this is probably too great a risk at his age. So we cannot know for certain what is going on inside his heart without the heart cath.
This is true in all cases for every person when it concerns their spiritual center, the heart. No one knows another’s true heart condition other than possibly the person’s own spirit and God who made it. We have no capacity to peer inside and fully read the condition of another’s heart. Even a person’s own spirit does not fully understand or appreciate the unvarnished reading of his heart. This is exactly what the Word of God reveals to us on the matter. He alone knows our hearts, and the hearts of those we love, and indeed the hearts of all mankind.
How often have you experienced the complete shock of someone you thought you knew so well doing something you never ever expected in a million years? A close friend, even a near companion, becoming a total stranger? Or some words come from your child’s mouth, and in horror you say, where did that come from? It is not rare for some people to profess a particular set of beliefs for even a long time, and one day say they do not believe that anymore and consequently accompany it with behavior the opposite of all they had once held dear. You might say, “Did I really ever know them?  This is not a comfortable frame of mind for any one of us; to think this could happen with someone so close. In fact, it is diabolically scary.
Is it something you fear happening? Or are you confident this will never happen to you or someone near you? It is not very healthy to live with a constant fear that something like this may happen. Nor is it healthy to be destroyed by it if and when it does. So how should you live now when you do not have the ability to perfectly and fully read another’s heart? Your only course to confidence is to know more intimately the Reader of every heart, and trust in this, that He alone knows the heart of the one you love better and more fully than you ever can. Together you can make it your mutual goal to assist one another in the same pursuit; knowing well the Reader of the heart. If you know your spouse, child, parent, or friend is truly engaged in pursuing the knowledge and love of Him whom to know is life eternal, your confidence can be made more sure that He will keep you both from falling and one day present you faultless before His throne. Yet your greatest confidence must always rest in the One in whom your own salvation rests. You can never put another in His place, for then your confidence will surely be shaken and you will experience disappointment.
Knowing God is also to know the deceitfulness of sin. . .in yourself and others. You should not be surprised by it, nor destroyed by it, if you are fully acquainted with its antidote and regularly apply it to your heart. This is never an over and done with proposition, but the Bible says as often as you sin, and you will, knowing the reality of sin’s persistence and your proclivity to engage in it, you must confess your sins and flee frequently to Jesus for pardon; over and over again. This is the everyday schedule of healthy spiritual life!
Whether or not there are blockages in my father’s physical heart, it is something that just may not be humanly possible to fix at his advanced age. But there is always hope for the spiritual heart no matter the age in each one, and this is infinitely more important! Only One can fix yours; the One who alone absolutely knows it.

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Boats on the Braies Lake ( Pragser Wildsee ) in Dolomites mountains, Sudtirol, Italy
Oct 18, 2012

Bold for Truth

Strength For The Day

An evil coward with a gun climbed on a school bus in Pakistan and shot an unarmed 14 year old school girl in the head to silence her courage. From the time she was 11 this Catholic teenager had boldly spoken out for truth, knowing she did so with the threat of death from the wicked Islamic Taliban who cannot survive when truth flourishes. Unfortunately, such boldness, especially in one so young, is rare.  Who invites intimidation and death for the privilege to speak truth and refuse silence? Those who love truth! This very bold young girl, fighting for her life today in a hospital in the UK, reminds us of the boldness of 17 year old Joseph (Genesis 39-50) who also loved truth and risked death to proclaim it.
Those who remain silent or just go along to get along when truth is reviled and falsehood is trumpeted, are said by Christ to be like salt that is no longer salty; in other words, good for nothing, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. (Matthew 5:13) There are many who are content to be numbered among this crowd. Better to be a living “good for nothing, than a dead martyr for truth, they think. But this thinking fails to consider the truth of their position which they have willfully chosen with cowardice. The love of truth is missing. The Mighty and Living God honors warriors for truth and guarantees their reward. Those who seek to save their life by remaining silent or approving the acts of unrighteousness, lose it. They will not stand in the judgment. Their end is assured.
Sadly, many detracting elements in this life effectively erode a love for truth. Pride in being liked by the world and accepted by the crowd leads the list. The fear of man is a fierce pressure. Only the fear of God can overcome it. If you fear man, you cannot fear God and the truth is not your first love.  A lack of hunger for truth dulls your instinct for truth. Those who hunger for righteousness will be satisfied, Jesus promises. They will find the truth, and their instinct for truth will be sharpened. Every day we are confronted with information demanding a verdict from our mind and affections. A sharp instinct for truth is your antennae to sort through the flood of information coming from a myriad of sources. The Holy Spirit is the ever present Helper to insure your antennae are functioning well. His guidance never contradicts, adds, or takes away from Scripture. The advice of man can lead astray, but God’s Word never fails. The Bereans are praised in the Scriptures because when they heard even the Apostle Paul they searched the Scriptures to ascertain the truth of all he said. We should follow in their train!
The Scriptures warn us that we live in a world filled with many who speak falsehoods and hate the truth. If you are a genuine seeker and lover of truth you have the power of Jesus’ prayer in your behalf: “Sanctify them in the truth; Your Word is truth…And for their sake I consecrate Myself, that they also may be sanctified (set apart) in truth. (John 17:17 and 19) If this is Jesus’ priority, it should be yours. Be bold as a lion for truth!

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Fashion Girl with Fur
Oct 16, 2012

Spoiled Rotten: Why do kids rule the roost?

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Are our children spoiled rotten?  This past summer, a thought provoking article written by Elizabeth Kolbert came out in The New Yorker (here’s a link to the article) stating that American children are spoiled rotten and asking why our kids rule the roost.  That is a great question in light of the fact that it has become commonly accepted that kids today are the most indulged young people in the history of the world, as the article points out.
Here are some highlights from the article:

  • Never before have parents been so (mistakenly) convinced that their every move has a ripple effect into their child’s future success.
  • Most parents today were brought up in a culture that put a strong emphasis on being special.  Being special takes hard work and can’t be trusted to children.  Hence the exhausting cycle of constantly monitoring their work and performance, which in turn makes children feel less competent and confident, so that they need even more oversight.
  • French parents don’t worry that they’re going to damage their kids by frustrating them (see our article regarding Why French Parents are Superior).
  • Many parents remark that it takes more effort to get children to collaborate than to do the tasks themselves.

As Elizabeth Kolbert closes out her article, she says this:
“Letting things slide is always the easiest thing to do, in parenting no less than in banking, public education, and environmental protection.  A lack of discipline is apparent these days in just about every aspect of American society.  Why this should be is a much larger question, one to ponder as we take out the garbage and tie our kids’ shoes.”
And that really is the question.  Why should it be this way?  Despite overwhelming evidence in every area of our society that things are not good; from our academic standing to overwhelming access to drugs, to invasion of sex at earlier ages, increased depression, and suicide being the third leading cause of death in youth today, we seem to be numb to the statistics.  We still lead the world in terms of self-regard.  So, we seem to be falling behind the rest of the world, but at least we feel good about it!
On our good days, we as parents say “things will be alright,” “we all go through phases,” “Johnny will get better grades soon,”  and “isn’t Suzy just precious.”  On our bad days, well, we as parents think “the world is imploding,” “Johnny is never going to make it to college,” and “Suzy…well, bless her heart, she just has bad genes” (those come from the other side of the family…of course)!  Ultimately, regardless of how much data we see, how overwhelming the statistics might be, we cannot simply blame our problems on parenting, the school system, or the culture.  They are all interwoven but it is time we as parents stop waiting and saying everything is going to be okay.  While that might make us feel better about ourselves (hence we lead the world in self-regard), but it ignores the reality that we are not getting any better.
There is a line from a movie, which loosely paraphrased goes something like this: “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem so quit being part of the problem.”  There are more manuals, books, guides, etc. than ever before, but until it starts at home, until it starts with each of us as parents, we will continue to just believe that things will change without us doing anything differently.
We would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this article and others.

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male and female children playing hide and seek
Oct 15, 2012

Is My Child In Trouble?


Is it too late?  Is my child in trouble?  How do I get to the bottom of what’s going on with my child?  I have made mistakes as a parent, what do I do now?
Have you ever had questions like this run through your head?  You are not alone.

Is my child in trouble?

Far to often knowing whether or not your child is in trouble or is in risk of getting in trouble is often like trying to navigate the depths of an iceberg.  We get so caught up in trying to correct the surface issues which often present themselves as behavioral challenges, that we loose sight of what is going on beneath.  It is only when we can stop, dig deep, and get to the heart of the problem that we will ever see true and lasting change occur.
But, how do you get there?  Let us show you…in this brief video, Glenda Anderson shares her thoughts on indicators that your child may be in danger of heading down the wrong path and what you can do to help guide your child trough this time.


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